Why is Life Different with CDD?

From the forum

Ever wonder why CDD life could be different?

Rabbi once asked the following question in the forum:

Why, when we place CDD in our lives, are things different?

What makes our relationships so much better, stronger, loving after CDD has had a chance to take hold in our lives?

I posed the question again recently. Following are a few of the replies.

I believe when we the home is in proper alignment with God's order, He blesses the marriage.

I also think that animosity is no longer an issue between the couple. Anger and bitterness between the couple releases and is no longer allowed to build. There is a greater peace with all involved (including children, they notice the change as well as the release of tension) This brings a stronger bond. The HOH feels a greater love for his wife developed by her act of submission and respect. The wife developes a greater love due to knowing she is now protected and secure, not just from the outside world but herself. At least that is the case here.


We're not flying by the seat of our pants anymore. We have a plan for our marriage. We know what our roles are and become more comfortable in them as we move forward. We have our "moments", but now we have the tools to deal with them. I'm a simple guy and it doesn't take much to make me happy. Now I see my wife truly content and happy. For most of our marriage she's been looking for this or that to improve herself or our relationship. What she's needed all along was for me to step up to the plate and be the husband God has called me to be.

Her Leader

We may be a little different because we have never experienced our marriage without CDD. We got married on a Saturday and started CDD on Monday. I am a very independent person-or so I thought. I am an expert at putting on a "I don't need no man to support me" act and making it pretty believable-however deep down I am a submissive woman trying to get past that stereotypical "self-made woman" wall (if that makes any sense). CDD has slowly crushed my mask and ripped down my walls of independence. I have learned to let a man lead me and love me the way God willed it. It has taught me what it means to not only be a biblical wife, but it has shown me who I am in so many other realms.

I cannot necessarily say what our marriage would have looked like without CDD, but what I can say is that we have made significant progress and I cringe even thinking about what our marriage would be like without that progress.


For us it ended some very difficult and long standing power struggles, which were eating us alive. Our daily fights exhausted us both. Then we'd withdraw. We were crazy about each other, but could not figure out the simple mechanics of getting along. I was disrespectful, and he was angry about it. He wanted submission but I resisted. And when I'd did try, I'd fail.

It's hard to describe the peace it has brought into our family, after being in such bad patterns. It shattered effectively pretty much every destructive pattern we had. Like night and day. Before and after. That was then and this is now. Dramatic changes, because of the application of both love and respect, and my accountability for the damage I was doing to him and us.

He may be different from a lot of men, in that he quickly wore his HOH role like a glove. In so doing, he became much more involved and even interested in everything the family was doing. His energy was no longer being consumed by anger and frustration with me and with how we functioned.

We work as a team now. He nurtures me and treats me more tenderly and gently, understanding my limitations as a woman and giving me himself to lean upon. He is also a better parent, and takes less disrespect from our children. He has become a better parent, because I'm not challenging or undermining. Well, if i do I am quickly corrected for it. Our roles are more clearly defined, and he enforces it.

Disputes end quickly and no bitterness is allowed to grow. He also won't tolerate me putting up walls between us, so I have had to abandon life long habits of self protection that only served to harm our efforts for closeness.

And maybe most importantly. Our communication has grown stronger each day. Now there are no topics off limits, for fear of conflict. We are successfully working through many areas of our life we had been stumped on for years.

These are some of the ways our life has changed through our four month journey. In many ways it's like a miracle for us.


Before CDD, we were in such a power struggle that conflicts often become drawn-out, acrimonious events. Now, conflicts are settled quickly. For the most part, I have learned to state my case respectfully and then submit to his decision without pouting about it afterward. For his part, he gives in with grace when it isn't something important to him or if he is feeling confused (due to a bad MS day). I think that because he feels respected by me now, his male ego isn't on the line to require a "win" or to prove his point each time. We're both less defensive and more willing to hear the other person out.


Things are definitely different here. CDD has completely changed my focus in our marriage. I think it's become more Christ centered - at least that's our goal. But, it's also changed me in that I seek to please him now. Before, I was very self centered and thought only about what I could get out of the marriage - or how it could benefit me. But CDD has changed that. In the words of President John F Kennedy, "Ask not what your husband can do for you, instead ask what you can do for your husband" (Or something like that ...I may have misquoted him just a little!) But seriously, that's kind of what changed for us. It makes me focus on being his helpmeet.

CDD also forces us to communicate so much more - both in quantity and quality. I also agree with the others - disputes end quickly. There are really no more power struggles between us - or if they do occur, he ends it! And like TheNewMrs said, it scares me to think about where I would be right now if we didn't adopt CDD in our marriage.

CDD has also made me very thankful for my husband and our marriage. I don't know that I was too thankful before.


Is CDD right for every couple? No. However, those who apply the practise in love may reap amazing benefits.