My Experience with CDD

By: Mrs. K

I was depressed. Married with three beautiful children, I had every reason to be happy, but instead I felt intensely lonely. My life was not turning out as planned. My husband seemed to hate me no matter what I did, and our children... well, they were getting older and had lives of their own. Life for me seemed incredibly empty.

We had yet another of our late-night quarrels that usually started out as something small and grew to terrible proportions by the argument's end. The next morning, I packed up all the kids and headed to my mother's house to think things over. It was obvious things weren't working out, and I was ready for a change.

But I was terribly sad when I remembered how it had all started out. Mr. K. and I met at church and established our marriage based on the Word of God. We'd been very happy those early years. Then somehow we got off track.

Neither of us could put our finger on it, but we'd forgotten how to get along with each other. Worse yet, as the marriage faltered, so did our relationship with God, until finally our marital problems seemed insurmountable. We were just too different. We didn't think alike anymore. We disagreed on the tiniest of issues. Unless God intervened, the marriage was at an end.

I tried to pray that weekend, but I was so far from God that all I could do was send up scattered fragments of prayer that sounded a lot like, "God, help us. Please..." So I spent a lot of time deep in thought, trying to get in touch with myself if not with God.

My younger sister, who lived near our mother, introduced me to some of the spanking stories and websites on the internet and something seemed to click. I had always wished for a strong, authoritative man to take me in hand, and I decided that was just what I needed.

I would divorce Mr. K and find myself a man who was strong and wise.
Someone who could curb my free-spirit without breaking it...
someone I could love and trust...
someone like...

my husband.

The realization nearly took my breath. All along I'd lived with my dream man, and I'd all but destroyed him. I remembered now why I'd fallen in love with him to begin with. He had all the dominant qualities I instinctively knew I needed and wanted in a man, yet the past few years, I'd despised those very same qualities in my husband.

I had to repent. I asked God for forgiveness first and spent time in the Bible re-studying what I already knew but had forgotten. Then I went to my husband, asked his forgiveness as well, and made a commitment to him to be a Godly submissive wife.

Needless to say, Mr. K. was blown away. His thoughts had been along the same line as mine. He'd given up on the marriage and had started planning his life without me. He didn't know what to think about my sudden turnabout, and truth be known, he didn't trust it. My moods changed with the wind, I moved from one project to the next with mind-boggling speed, and I struggled to maintain even the smallest balance in my life. He feared this was just another of my fleeting ideas that would blow away when the wind next changed course.

But this was different... this was a God-change, and it didn't go away. I still wrestled with balance, I still struggled to follow through on life, and I still hopped from one often-expensive idea to the next. Mr. K. loved my free-spirit but recognized it needed to be reined in if he was to lead in the marriage and the family. I had spoken to my husband about what I'd been introduced to by my sister and learned more about via the internet... domestic discipline.

He found it strange at first, but since he recognized a real need in me, he implemented it in our marriage. It wasn't until later that he learned the value of it in helping me become more disciplined and focused. Once that realization set in, life improved dramatically for Mr. K. and the kids, as well as me myself.