Create a Monster?
No One responds to a reader's question
I came across this website quite by accident. The entire idea is new to me, but it does make sense Biblically speaking. I've heard of couples doing this for sexual reasons, but now for the other reasons stated.
How would one even breach the subject with a fiance without the potential of running them off? My fiance does have a background of conservative Baptist. I have similar Christian upbringing in a different denomination.
Does this truly bond spouses closer to one another or turn the husband into a monster?
Thank you for any insights,
The answer to one of your questions is fairly easy to see from the inside but can be difficult to explain to those on the outside. One of the big obstacles for the uninitiated is in understanding how roughly the same thing can be both a dreaded childhood punishment, and an appreciated disciplining for a grown woman!
Another difficulty is overcoming all the politically correct propaganda, which has, in an ill-conceived and ill-advised war on men, tried to portray men in general as potential monsters.
One way to start answering your questions is by asking a reverse question. What happens if a woman is never spanked?
Let me begin with a story that I have repeatedly told involving one of my brothers-in-law. At the time, he was a well-paid manager in a multinational corporation. His wife was a university-educated trophy. They had met on the mission field. They were pillars in their church. Their children were in Christian school. The couple rubbed elbows with the privileged. Peers thought their life together was perfect.
At the same time, my brother-in-law thought that my spanking of his sister - my wife (of over forty years now) - was totally barbaric. (On the other hand, my wife admits that we would not have stayed married if I had not spanked her.) My brother-in-law thought such indelicacy to be totally unnecessary. He was *above all that*. To further complicate matters, my brother-in-law made it his business to inform the rest of the family that I was *beating* his sister!
Then, one night, my brother-in-law and his wife fell into an argument. Unable to get her way, my brother-in-law's wife violently attacked him - doing obvious physical damage. Police were called. Photographs were taken. The wife was arrested on felony domestic violence (DV) charges.
At the trial, my brother-in-law refused to testify against his wife. Instead, he chose to forgive her. Consequently, she was not convicted of the felony DV charges.
She subsequently divorced him, absconded with the equity in their primary residence, and - because she was presumed to be a nurturing mother - she was granted custody of the children.
Then, my brother-in-law's former wife spent the next decade skirting court-ordered visitation - often telling the children that their father did not want to see them, while telling my brother-in-law that the children did not want to be with him - and otherwise engaging in a cold and calculated parent alienation syndrome.
After that particularly messy divorce, my mother-in-law - long an outspoken critic of spanking (especially of girls after a *certain age*) - realized that the only surviving first marriages among her children were those in which the husbands could or did spank their wives. Those couples bonded, while the others failed to do so. Although never a proponent of spanking, my mother-in-law did concede that she would rather a daughter or daughter-in-law be privately spanked - even if that meant that the husband sometimes left "marks" - than for them to be publicly divorced.
At the same time, my mother-in-law noted that today's couples were going to have to do something if they were going to stay together. Divorces were taking their toll on the grandchildren.
Indirectly, my mother-in-law's observation may help to explain the resurgence of interest in domestic discipline at a time when easy divorce is finally being seen as more of a problem than a solution.
Half a century ago, there was talk of a *seven-year itch* in marriages - which is a statistically viable number of years before marriages break up. Less well known is the *three-year itch* - or post-honeymoon blues. More recently, discovery of nerve growth factor - a protein that stimulates the growth of sympathetic and sensory nerve cells - the roles of oxytocin and serotonin in feelings of love, and the estrogen-testosterone reversal paradox have helped explain why people who are *in love* feel the way they do. However, the *feelings of love* do not last. In time, the body's chemistry returns to normal levels and the couple is left with their inherent dispositions.
Nevertheless, these initial chemical changes serve an important role in relationships. They exist so that couples have time to straighten out their life together - so that two can become one.
Make no mistake. God is no fool. Just as He made men and women so that they would become attracted to each other and bond, He made men a little larger, a little stronger, and a little smarter for a reason. Man-made laws demanding *absolute gender equality* will not repeal the natural order of things.
One line of thought - heard from both men and women - is that women were made, both psychologically and physically, to be spanked by men. Women really do want their men to *take charge* - as my wife refers to it.
Several years ago, a woman told how her marriage got off to a rocky start. She and her husband argued all the time. Nothing ever got settled. At the time, they were renting an apartment from a older couple - who never said anything about their increasingly frequent and noisy arguments. Yet, the older couple always seemed to get along quite well together.
The young wife naively believed that couples automatically became happily married as time went on. At the same time, she wondered why her marriage only seemed to get worse as time went on. After several months, their landlord gave her husband a well-crafted homemade paddle. For several weeks the paddle was something they avoided discussing. Yet, even out of sight, it served as a reminder of their troubled marriage. In time, fearing they really were headed for a divorce, the young wife agreed to let her husband try the paddle experimentally. What she discovered astounded her. Even as the sting faded, the woman had a newfound respect for her husband.
Within a short time, the woman and her husband were arguing less and cooperating more. She was also happier. Although the young wife knew the old couple had to know what was happening and why her marriage settled out, she really did not mind because she felt so good about her marriage.
The story told by the wife above has parallels in a conversation that I had several years ago with a trophy wife on her second marriage. Despite professional credentials, this woman's first marriage had been a disaster. Her first husband was too easily intimidated by both her brains and her beauty. Conversely, she loved being able to push his buttons. The marriage lasted until he found someone else. In time, so did she.
Early in her second marriage, the wife discovered that it is not how often to have sex or how to spend money that is the root of problems in marriage. Rather it is what to do about spanking the wife. Moreover, she candidly admitted, spankings from her husband really had to *hurt* because she was not naturally submissive.
Bad marriages have one thing in common. There is a tendency toward an unproductive and reinforcing cycle. The couple frequently feeds off of each other's mutually antagonistic qualities. Bickering is common. The couple gets on each other's nerves. Underneath, there is a struggle for power.
One solution is to avoid certain topics - or, even avoid each other if the difficulties are sufficiently widespread. A more productive solution is to find something that actually improves the relationship. Sooner or later, it is normal for the thought of spanking his wife to cross the husband's mind. He will wonder how she would react if he acted on his desire. Likewise, wives will have occasion to wonder how her husband might spank her if he ever got around to doing it.
If the couple acts on these natural impulses, the woman notices that she actually *feels better* after being spanked. At the same time, the level of stress within the marriage plummets because there is a bonding that takes place between husband and wife. It also fosters communication within the marriage.
On a practical level, while it will not resuscitate dead marriage, a firmly applied paddle is much more likely to prevent or break a destructive cycle and replace it with a more constructive one than it is to turn the husband into a monster.
The answer for how to approach one's fiancÚ depends on the man, the woman, and their interaction with each other. Sooner or later in a relationship, women will do something that provokes a man. How the man reacts to those situations may offer the woman some idea on how to broach the subject.
Along the same lines, everyone knows some woman that always seems to be perpetually out of control. The woman might possess a sharp tongue and the social graces of a Bradley tank plowing through muddy terrain, or she might be a perpetual gossip. One question that begs asking is, *what could a husband do to prevent this behavioral pattern?*
Another discussion might begin by asking how many birthdays have to pass before a badly behaved female becomes *too old* for a spanking. Still, another might start with a discussion of why couples begin to drift apart and what might be done to prevent it from happening.
A more direct route might be to ask your future husband what he would do if you became difficult, demanding, and defiant. Sometimes men need to understand women from a woman's point of view. This can be particularly true of young husbands from sheltered backgrounds - especially if they are given to think that sweet young thing with whom they are so in love is going to stay like that forever!
Young husbands really do need to understand that woman have two sides. One is indeed that *sugar and spice* side. The other can be cruel, odious, and vindictive. Which one a young woman is allowed to feed determines the mature woman that she becomes.
The biggest fear that novices have is that they will do great damage to the woman they love. Young husbands need to understand that, so long as they confine themselves to their wife's buttocks and the upper back of her thighs, they will do no great damage.
Even in the absence of the above fear, products of today's rather idiotic public school system have been conditioned to never *hit* a woman. (That really was my brother-in-law's problem. From the moment she laid eyes on her future sister-in-law, my wife knew that was one woman in need of a good hard spanking, but her brother never came to terms with the fact.)
One of the true tragedies in today's society is that it often takes a divorce and "deja vu all over again" with *Wife Number Two* before husbands realize the grievous error of their ways with *Wife Number One*. This is why *wife spanking* is often more common in second marriages than in first marriages. Once couples understand that *wife spanking* is more about restoring a much-needed balance in the relationship between men and women - instead of giving emotional abuse (commonly practiced in marriages by women) a free pass - then spanking is seen less like abuse and more like *old-fashioned marriage counseling*!
- No One