Just Starting Out

Kali answers a newcomer

Forum Question from a beginner

I'm just introducing my husband to CDD - he's a bit apprehensive and hasn't visited the site yet. He has given in a little bit and given me a rosy bottom and promised more trips across his knee as needed. Becoming submissive has been a challenge but it's something that we need very much and something I want very much. Being pulled across your husbands lap and having your bare bottom exposed somehow convinces you that you need to be submissive and have much respect for your husband. He is becoming more and more HOH as God intended. Thanks to finding this site and reading how much CDD has been a benefit to others as well as our faith in God, I will strive to become a wonderfully submissive wife to my wonderful husband. Thank you for letting me come here.

Do any of you have any advice since he is so apprehensive, or just give me your success stories.


Kali responds:

Hi there! Hope this helps;

Genesis tells us that after the great 'apple' sin, a woman's desire would be for her husband and he shall rule over her. GOD also says;

  • Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4
  • For it is I who gave you those desires. Philippians 2:13

So do you think it would help him (or you) to know that you have those desires because GOD HIMSELF gave them to you? Well either way, continue in your submission.

I know this is easier said then done, and I know sometimes you just want to yell at him "Come on already! Just whip my rear!". LOL But trust me on this, when he does come back to try it again you will be glad he didn't rush in gung-ho. It makes it much easier when you know they took time and decided to do this for the right reasons, and like you said, of his own choosing.

I know with B, CDD has brought him much closer to GOD. He prays for guidance before he ever touches me. Plus, he doesn't expect me to change in ways that he doesn't or can't.

I don't blame you for being embarrassed to talk about it. I wrote B a letter and then I did the 'hand it to him and run bury my face in the couch pillow' maneuver. LOL

The 'don't hit girls' thing was hard for him to get over, but when fighting addictions (caffeine mostly), he felt that I was doing permanent damage to my body, especially since the doctor had told me that caffeine was really affecting my heart rhythm. He decided that if he could stop that by causing temporary pain, then it was a good thing.

For us, CDD is by no means an everyday whippin. We have attempted maintenance 2 times but it just feels wrong. He said he could not do it because it seemed insane. I respect him always, and I listen mostly (hehe), and I ONLY receive spanks few and far between. In the beginning of trying to break my caffeine addiction, I did get a bunch of whippins! I started to fear that this problem would never change. He made sure it did! He whipped my rear everyday for a week (kind of a maintenance I suppose). I got a couple in between too when I got caught red handed but once I saw he was not going to give, I stopped.

Basically, he proved to me he was in control, loved me more than life itself, and that he was NOT going to lose me because of my own weakness. During this time, I also learned that I am stronger than what I thought; I gave the caffeine up and I have survived. I have slipped once or twice, but I am reminded. I don't get many but when I do, I remember them and don't want more. It really does help more than anyone could know.

But somewhere along the way I got fearful of the pain (and perhaps a bit of the loss of control) so I said to him, "I am done with CDD. I do NOT want anymore whippins!". He agreed (because he was only doing it for me in the first place) and we went about as normal. Soon I slipped into my old ways and even went and bought a soda knowing that he wouldn't spank me for it.

Of course, when he noticed all of these goings on he asked; "Now do you see why the DD part is necessary?". I conceded and we moved on. He doesn't like to whip me (he HATES it) because he cherishes me so very much. He knows sometimes (like with the caffeine thing) I just need the motivation. He does it in love and for my own benefit. Just knowing how bad he hates to have to bring me to tears makes me try hard because I don't want to put him through that. Please don't think he is less of a man, he just loves me unconditionally and more than his own life. No one wants to hurt the person they love, or make them cry. It takes a man to do what he does, and stick with it until the job is done right.

We have no "set rules" so to speak. I know his preferences for what needs to be done & when he says "end of discussion", that is it. Certain things like really bad attitude, yelling at anyone in the house, throwing a fit when mad, or being disrespectful (especially in front of others) will all add up to a bad whippin after a while. There is no, "Well you missed a load of laundry", or "The dishes are dirty" type spanks in our home. There might be an "Ok, you know I want these things done and all week you have slacked off, you have until tomorrow (or tonight or whatever) and I will remind you if I have to", but he has never had to. If I am given a warning I usually get it done. Repeat offenses like curling iron left on a thousand times, or doors left unlocked will sometimes earn me one. But that would just be to help me remember to be safe and pay attention. Now of course caffeine use would earn one, a bad one. That is basically it.

In the beginning when I told him about CDD not only was he not interested, he was flat-out against it! His comments were; "It's not my place." -or- "I don't want a mindless drone!" -or- "I don't want you to lose your sass or spunk.". Then after a few weeks of pondering it, he started reading about the benefits and decided it could work. He said it would not be like some with their maintenance and whippins for every single wrong doing (but that's how it works for us). At first, I would receive a spanking for any repeat offense fairly quickly. Then he read about how to bring me to tears and how to actually do it and make it one to remember, and well... needless to say it only took a few of those to break any and all bad habits/attitudes. It was hard for him, but he pulled through and so did I. Now, we could not be happier.

He does not control my every move. I wear what I like, I take care of the house and children when he's out, and things are just like they are in a 50/50 marriage. The only difference is, now he has the final say, and he can enforce things if he needs to. Discipline is reserved for more severe offenses, such as dishonesty, disrespect and things that are hurtful to myself or others. In fact I am probably more equal than most non-CDD wives because there is NO power struggle; he is in control and I know it, but he values my opinion greatly and considers anything I say.

I am an educated woman, and I am not a "yes" girl! He doesn't whip me for having an opinion, or anything like you hear horror stories of (quite the opposite really). Now if I am just out of sorts or need redirection, he will not hesitate to punish me beyond resistance. Usually he just has to give me 'the look' and I stop because I know he WILL 'whip' me if he needs to. If your husband just listens to your needs, he will find this point with you as well. Just remember that as a Christian he won't force you into submission, you have to meet him half-way! (Just like with GOD)

I would say I get 2 or so a month now. I think I need those just for emotional release sometimes (although that is not why I actually earn them). He will not whip me without a reason. There are going to be set backs that you will need to work through. The thing is we DON'T fight anymore... at all! If I get hottie, then so does my rear, lol. No more silent treatments or going to bed angry. He takes better care of me than any man in the world ever could! This isn't unattainable no matter what stage or condition your marriage is in. It's not always easy but I believe with GOD's help you can turn even the worst of situations around!