Introducing your spouse

Suggestions from those who have

For Your Husband

  1. Make it clear this is a need of yours, not just some passing fancy. Acknowledge it might sound a wee bit strange, but up until the middle of the 20th century it was very common, and even today, thousands practise CDD.
  2. You might tell him you believe God created women to want to feel a man's strength and authority. It makes her feel more secure and protected. Plus, it gives him an "edge" or "persona" of power that makes him very attractive to you.
  3. Explain to him that wanting CDD does not make you a masochist. You simply want him to have true authority in your marriage. Living in the roles God has created for you is the real attraction of CDD, not the pain/punishment. Spankings/punishments are sometimes necessary but may not be enjoyable for either party.
  4. Point out that CDD marriages are among the best in the world. Couples in these types of relationships report greater intimacy, special closeness, increased trust, and fantastic sex lives in their marriages.
  5. You might mention he would have a more definitive voice in the marriage, but don't make a big deal out of the advantages to him. Most men abhor the thought of causing their wife pain and to do so for their own gain will not likely sound attractive to him.
  6. Consider printing off some of the pages on this site which convey the idea you want to express. Sometimes it can be easier than trying to talk when you are nervous or flustered.


For Your Wife

  1. Husbands, you are in a stickier situation. It is one thing for a wife to tell her husband that she needs his correction, but it is quite another matter to tell your wife you think she needs discipline. Take it slowly. Consider introducing the idea to her a bit at a time.
  2. If she is already committed to living in a Biblical marriage (i.e. husband as the head of the household), you are already blessed. Explain to her the Biblical justifications for CDD (click here for more information), and gently suggest you use CDD.
  3. If she is not committed to living in a Christian marriage, suggest you do a Bible Study together on Biblical roles in marriage.
  4. If she is not a Christian, you might consider emphasizing research on CDD marriages that suggest a greater intimacy between the couple, enhanced trust and communication, and great sex lives.
  5. Be positive. Tell her what a great wife she is. Tell her you would like to use CDD to make a good marriage even better.
  6. Reassure her of your love. Though you might bring her pain during punishment, you would never do her any lasting harm.
  7. If she is afraid of spanking or completely set against it, begin with alternative forms of discipline.
  8. Suggest you begin CDD in a limited capacity (for example, agree to use only your hand with a ten swat limit) until she is more comfortable with the relationship.
  9. Assure her you're not a sadist, and though you might be turned on by seeing her bottom or by her submission to you, you will never gain pleasure from causing her pain.
  10. Suggest she join a CDD Forum or read a CDD Blog to discuss her concerns and reservations with other women who are already living in a CDD marriage.