In this moment, I am his!

By: K

I knew it was coming, & to be honest I knew I deserved it. I have asked for his help with this before & after the blow dealt to us by my Doc last Friday, I decided it was time to change. So change I did! For 2 days :-(Friday and Saturday)

Then Sunday came & the same old me emerged with my addiction at full force. So when he said to me "Do you want to do this now?" All I could answer was "Can I take a shower first?". Of course he said yes. So here I am crying just at the thought, ashamed that we were dealing with this... AGAIN, & anticipating the stings I know are coming.

I dry off slowly & take my time applying my sweet smelling lotion all over my body. Then I put on a silk camisole & robe. I emerge a woman & my mind drifts as I bring myself to lay against him on the bed. The movement of my camisole reveals the lack of panties as I saw no need to put them on. He starts with the warm up & I tremble. As the intensity increases, I struggle to keep quiet so as to not alert the children.

In this moment I am his! He pauses at times to comfort & caress me with a soft touch that lies to my mind telling it "This can't be the same hand that just delivered that pain". But just as quickly as the spanks stopped, they begin again. My focus now is on being still but my body fails me. He is able to keep me in position & though he hears my cries & pleas to stop, he continues.

I am no longer in control, & I love that! I asked for it all to cease out of fear; but knowing that, he pushes on. I am helpless & completely at his mercy. Isn't it amazing that I have never felt more loved or cherished than I do in this moment right now. The pain is mounting & the spanks are swift; I am not sure this will ever end. When he feels I have seen my errors, he picks me up & draws me to his chest. I can do nothing but cry. In this moment I am his!

We lay there in that position for awhile. He wraps his arms around me as I bury my head & allow my tears to flow.

I think "What have I done to deserve a man like this?" "Why am I so special that God gave me B?" He loves me more then life & I try so hard to please him, but alas, I fail.

I ask him "Honey are you still angry with me?" It isn't until he pulls me close & whispers "No, I never was, I am just fearful of losing you." that the gravity of the situation hits me.

I know in this moment I AM HIS!

We talk & he holds me tighter & whispers once more, this time with an ominous warning "It will be much worse if we have to repeat this". I already knew that, yet hearing it gave me butterflies & made my heart race in a scary, but unexpectedly reassuring way.

I seem to thrive when I know he will not let me control him, & to be honest, the more we do this, & the more I know he is serious, the more love & respect I hold for him.

What better man could God have made for me? NONE!

We wait several hours & then are uncontrollably drawn to each other. We make love. I am calm, I am complete, I am in love, & in this moment I know............... I am his!