Five Myths

5 commonly held, incorrect views

In this culture, night-time comedy programmes on the telly show females as "all-knowing" and males as "daft chancers", or clueless fools. Films at the cinema show militant feminists righting social wrongs, which, of course, were all caused by evil, oppressive males. What about those of us who want to live, by choice, a different way? What about our "freedom of choice"?

What kind of wife would choose to "obey" or "submit to" her husband? Aren't women "better" than that? Does this "radical idea" of feminine submission in a loving marriage set "women's rights" back into "the dark ages"? Does CDD repress women? If CDD is just about "wife spanking," then why do so many wives choose to live in CDD marriages? Does CDD give husbands some "twisted" power? What kind of man would "beat his wife"?

This article will examine a few of the most common myths about CDD, and compare them with with the truth.

Myth 1: CDD Will Save Your Marriage!

Crikey! If I had a pound for every time I've read that any one, specific thing is a sure-fire "cure all", whether CDD, a new miracle diet plan, or some new business venture, I could retire in a fortnight a wealthy man. Proponents of CDD may shout from the rooftops loudly and proudly that CDD "saved" their marriage. They may state emphatically that it prevented divorce. They sing CDD's praises because of their strong convictions that their way of life can miraculously redeem other marriages, and reverse the divorce statistics.

Truth: Discipline itself does NOT save marriages

Discipline is just one minor part of a CDD relationship. It takes a commitment from both spouses to rebuild, restore, or resurrect a wounded or dying marriage. It takes self-discipline to be willing to work with your spouse. It requires a commitment of time and effort to listen. It takes willingness to learn about your spouse. CDD may be one ingredient, but one ingredient does not make a fine meal. Discipline may be like a vitamin, but taking only one vitamin will not assure perfect health. Resolving your marital conflicts through consistent communication, real respect, and lots of love is the only "surefire" way to experience true, lasting positive change.

Myth 2: CDD is kinky

Those who don't practise CDD (and who never would), wag their fingers at "that thing we do" and claim that we are "quite right kinky". They surmise we are people who attempt to hide behind "lifestyle choices" or "religious beliefs." Because some aspects of CDD marriage do partially resemble a BDSM lifestyle, CDD oft gets lumped together with other "kinky" lifestyles. Interestingly enough, in other cases, they don't seem to have a problem with "kink", just with the combination of "religious" people and "kink". Preaching "tolerance", they actually live "intolerance"... seems a wee bit hypocritial, mate!

Truth: Kink is in "how you use it"

Those who do not practise CDD, and those who are uneducated about it do not understand that CDD is not all about the "spanking". The "S word" is the only thing they see. They have not recognised, or they choose not to recognise, the roles of each partner, the "freedom to choose" each spouse has to decide if this is the lifestyle they both want, and that spanking is not used in every circumstance. In fact, spanking is not even used at all in some CDD marriages, whether due to personal choice, health concerns, or for other reasons.

Do not mistake behaviour modification for bedroom games. Truly, "kink" is about the way in which a chosen lifestyle or item is implemented within the relationship. For example, if CDD is truly used as behaviour modification, and sexual activity does not always follow afterward, then CDD is not a "kinky lifestyle" or experience. It is a behaviour modification technique.

However, if an activity is regularly practised, or a specific item is utilised, in a manner specifically intended to create sexual arousal in either or both partners, then it is "kinky", irrespective of what the activity or item is. There are those who like to "get off" by using specific clothes or outfits, scents, positions, foods, phrases, or any of a multitude of otherwise "vanilla" things. For these people, the "vanilla" activities or items have become a "kink" because of how the items are utilised within the relationship.

Myth 3: CDD is Always Introduced by the Husband

Many people with little or no knowledge of the real inner workings of CDD marriages often think CDD is introduced by husbands who want a greater quantity of sex with their wives, more "adventurous" sex with their wives, or who simply have "kinky" sexual interests. Some people think husbands are looking for an excuse to be violent or abusive with their wives in the future, or that they seek justification for past abuse of their wives.

Truth: CDD is Usually Introduced by the Wife.

The truth is, CDD is generally introduced in the marriage by the wife. In fact, women are more likely to be comfortable with the concept than men! The great majority of CDD husbands have never "hit" their wives, in any fashion, not even "sexy, role-play spankings", before they were introduced to the idea. In some cases, the husbands take weeks or even months of careful, prayerful, thoughtful research before they agree to utilise CDD in their marriage.

Myth 4: CDD "is" / always causes DV (Domestic Violence)

Women who have been victimized by domestic violence, or those who have seen their mothers, sisters, or other female relatives or friends become abused are sometimes inclined to discard the idea of CDD as a healthy lifestyle choice. They are unable or unwilling to see the dynamics are different.

Myth 5: CDD never causes DV

On the other hand, some who espouse the principles of CDD argue passionately that CDD actually always prevents domestic violence. They say this is because CDD provides the couple an alternative to domestic violence, whilst also reducing the frequency of marital rows or fights.

Truth: CDD can lead to DV

It would be wrong of me to suggest that wife spanking is a safe tool in the hands of someone who is inclined towards manipulation and/or violence. If someone does not have self-discipline, they be unable to safely, consistently discipline others. CDD may, in some rare, isolated cases, depending on those in the relationship, lead to domestic violence. I would likely be incorrect were I to state that domestic discipline had, in the history of marriage, never, ever led to a single case of domestic violence. Probably, someone, somewhere, went too far. However, with that being said, I personally have never heard of, nor have I known anyone, nor have I known any one "who knew someone" who has been abused as a result of CDD.

Abuse is the act of intentionally causing someone discomfort, in an effort to harm them. Abuse is wrong. Abuse, whether physical, emotional, or mental, is about creating fear. God has not given us a spirit of fear. An abusive marriage brings about fear, condemnation, and low self esteem.

Discipline is the act of intentionally causing someone discomfort, in an effort to help them. Discipline is spoken of admirably in scripture. Discipline is about love, and doing what is best for that person. A CDD marriage brings a closer relationship, understanding, peace, trust, openness, and security.

Both abuse and discipline can cause pain, but the motivation and spirit of each is completely different. Teachers occasionally caused embarrassment with some of my test results, and the headmaster caused physical pain and embarrassment when he used corporal discipline to show me the error of my ways. When I became an adult, my dentist caused me pain, and my surgeon hurt me. However, all were motivated by a desire to help me. They caused pain, and hurt me, but they did not harm me.

There is a huge difference between abuse and CDD. In the Bible, discipline is closely associated with love. Abuse is condemned, but discipline is praised. Abuse is about hate. CDD is about love.