Frequently Asked Questions

A few of our most common questions

1. Why would a woman want a CDD Marriage?

This is a very difficult question because I don't completely understand it myself. Why do so many women actually want CDD in their marriages? Why does it appeal to us in a most basic way?

Well, here is my theory. I believe we as women were created to be a companion and helpmeet to a loving husband (see Genesis 2). Even before the fall, we were the follower and he was the leader (long story... but basically females were taken from males and he named us, denoting authority over us... you can read further online, but there are lots of reasons to believe that we were created to be a willing follower of a loving husband.) Since God is a loving God and He created us to be followers, it is logical that designed into in us would be the desire and ability to be happiest in that role.

Part of the curse was that we would no longer easily follow our husband, but rather try to control him. Since we have a sin nature, we have a hard time submitting and willingly following, BUT we are still happiest when we do exactly that. CDD puts us back into the place where we can submit and willingly follow; thus, we are happy again. That is why we are so peaceful after discipline... why we can curl up in his lap and feel forgiven and clean, all our rebellion with all its ugliness gone.

2. Can CDD save my marriage?

Though many couples have said that CDD saved their marriage, it is not a replacement for prayer, marriage counseling, and other more conventional methods of saving a marriage. I believe the true "magic" of CDD is in the couple returning to the roles God created for them... essentially, placing themselves in God's plan for marriage. THAT is what saves marriages. CDD is merely a tool, albeit a rather effective one, for helping the couple remain in those roles.

3. Do you find spanking sexually arousing?

Well, dearie, there is a world of difference between the thought of a spanking and the real thing. I used to think that I thought of it as sexually arousing... until I actually had one. Personally, I find there is nothing arousing about a real spanking. I don't enjoy it. I don't want sex for quite some time afterwards.

For me, what is arousing is the authority denoted by a man who spanks. I am attracted to the authority in my husband. The spanking is sort of a necessary evil...

I have a theory on this, as well, that goes back to creation. I believe that women were created to follow a loving husband and men were created to lead. I also believe that God created eroticism to be enjoyed inside a marriage. It stands to reason that the greatest sense of eroticism would be felt when the husband and wife are in the roles God created for them.

Since spanking denotes authority in our society, I believe that is why there is such a great sense of eroticism surrounding it for some women... it puts us in the roles God created for us in the most basic way. That is why I think you'll hear a lot of women say they don't like the spanking itself, but afterwards they're extremely sexually attracted to their husbands.

4. What is "bratting" and why does is happen?

The term "bratting" is used to describe a woman who is deliberately misbehaving in order to receive a spanking. Bratting is, of course, completely inconsistent with a CDD marriage as it is not only sinning against your husband but sinning against God. However, it does happen and I believe it is because many women have a deep seated need to "feel" their husband's authority on a regular basis.

I do NOT brat, but I do have a need to regularly feel that control. I think it is a security issue for me. I know I am not a very self-controlled person and I love knowing he is looking out for me and keeping me on track. Fortunately, there are other ways to feel your husband's authority without the destructive practice of true bratting. We use play spanking in response to play bratting, but many couples who need a more "real" feel to it use maintenance discipline to take care of this need.

5. What is the difference in CDD and Domestic Violence?

Abuse is the act of hurting someone to bring about harm.

CDD is the act of disciplining someone to bring about good.

Both can cause pain, but the motivation is world's apart. My dentist caused me pain. My surgeon hurt me. However, they were motivated by a desire to help me. They caused pain, and hurt me, but they did not harm me.

There is such a huge difference in abuse and CDD. An abusive marriage brings about fear, condemnation, and low self esteem.

A CDD marriage brings a closer relationship, understanding, peace, trust, openness, and security.

Abuse is about hate. CDD is about love.

In the Bible, discipline is closely associated with love. Abuse is condemned, but discipline is praised.